Here We Go Again!

Before we were married Steve and I talked about how many children we wanted in our family. We both agreed-- no less than four but no more than six. We both have five children in our families and we loved the idea of our children having a lot of siblings. When Jakob came into our family I had a strong feeling that someone was still missing. Our family was not complete just yet. I actually started having reoccurring dreams about twin girls. On Valentine's Day 2013 we found out we were expecting our fourth baby.

This was what we had been hoping and praying for. But the minute we found out we both felt a little overwhelmed. There was no turning back now. Four kids. And we know exactly what we are getting ourselves into. It's not going to be easy. I spent the first week in bliss, feeling good and excited about getting ready for another sweet baby. Then the morning sickness started. (Or the all day sickness as I like to call it.) Pregnancy changes me completely. My mood, my body, and my ambition. Usually I'm pretty on top of things. I love to clean my house, workout, eat healthy, and be active with my kids. But when I'm pregnant I am exhausted and sick. If I sleep 10 hours at night, nap for 2 hours, take my medication religiously, and lay in the fetal position in my bed the other 12 hours of the day then I really don't feel that sick. But I have three kids and a house to run so I do my best and Steve ends up picking up the slack. The poor guy hasn't had a good home cooked meal in a long time. I try to tell myself that this is only temporary, one day I will be myself again. But I terribly miss being me.
A couple weeks ago I went to my first Dr appointment. Everything was looking great but there was something else there. My Dr said it could be a twin that wasn't growing but he wasn't sure. He measured it and told me to come back in a week and he would measure it again to see if it was in fact growing. I left the Dr office telling myself that I wasn't going to obsess about it. But I did. Steve was rather calm about the idea of twins. I was really nervous. I googled all kinds of things like ultra sound of twins at 6 weeks and miscarrying one twin and I came across the term vanishing twin. Basically it's a pregnancy that starts out as twins but one doesn't grow and eventually gets absorbed by the mother or the other twin. It usually goes undetected without an early ultrasound and has no negative side effects for the healthy baby. I went to my next appointment and my Dr said it looked like it had deflated. It probably was a twin that didn't grow. I felt bad but I was kind of relieved. More relived than disappointed. Even though we said we wanted up to six kids that was before we had children. Now we are pretty set on just having four.   The other baby had a healthy heart beat and was measuring a week big. I'm guessing I will have this baby around October 20th. The kids are really excited. We didn't tell them at first because I knew they wouldn't keep it a secret but when I started throwing up every day they started asking questions. I lied to them twice but then we decided to just tell them. It is fun to talk about it with them and see how excited they are.

I love Jakob's scowl in this picture. He will be two and a half when the baby comes and he will probably not like sharing his mommy.