I am 31 weeks pregnant. Winter break has just ended and the kids have returned to school. A new wave of physical and emotional exhaustion has overcome me. I want to pull my covers over my head and hibernate for the next 2 months. When I feel this way I struggle with guilt. I feel guilty that my house isn't clean, the baby room isn't ready, I am months behind on my blogging, and my kids get themselves cereal every morning for breakfast. Steve was in surgery for 13 hours yesterday and I laid in bed eating chocolate cake and watching Downton Abby. At least I had dinner waiting for him and the kids in bed when he came home at 8pm.
I tell myself to give it a couple days. Christmas break was busy and stressful. I can take a couple days to relax and rest. I got up from a nap and did a couple loads of laundry and wiped down the bathrooms. I felt sore and exhausted again.
The kids came home from school and I told them they could watch TV. I explained that the baby is growing bigger and it makes me feel really tired. I went upstairs to lay down. Within minutes I hear screaming and crying. Jaxson comes upstairs to report that Ehlana has hurt Jakob. Jakob follows shortly in tears, he needs a hug and a kiss. I call to Ehlana to go to her room and make an announcement that if anyone hurts another person they will have to be alone in their room. The conflict is resolved with hugs and kisses.
Jaxson returns to my bedroom and says he'd like to do his homework. I instruct him to get his folder from his back pack and bring it to me. We lay in my bed and work on it together. I love seeing him think things through, he is especially good at math. I then ask him to go do his piano practice. I listen intently as he plays.
Jakob returns to my room crying again. I couldn't understand if Ehlana was kicking him or kissing him. Ehlana comes in and clarifies that they were jumping on the couch and bonked heads. She tried to give him kisses but he didn't like it. "Don't kiss me!" Jakob yells at her. I ask if he wants me to kiss him. He complies and settles down. Jaxson and Ehlana return to watching TV and Jakob asks to play on my phone. He snuggles in bed with me while playing on a puzzle app. I am amazed at how quickly he puts together the puzzles and we laugh about the animal sounds.
I then realize this is what matters. I am here. I am mothering them, even if I am in bed.
2 comments:
You're doing the best you can and thats nothing to feel guilty about! I hope this time goes by quickly and you get that nesting urge soon! :)
Love this post! You are doing whatever is necessary at this time to not only be a mother, but to make sure that new little life inside you is born healthy and strong. Love you!
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